Journal 2004
December 30, 2004
Took today off from The Day Job, tomorrow is paid holiday. Submitted the files to the printer, atlas begone. We finished painting the hallway last night, Taupe Evening or something. I cannot believe the number killed from the tsunami. We’re having a party tomorrow night…
December 29, 2004
…couldn’t write last night… can’t tonight…
December 27, 2004
So close to done. Will be turning the files over to the print shop tomorrow. Have been telling everyone at work that I will be taking some long overdue vacation, which Aimee and Grendel will love, at least as much as I will.
December 23, 2004
Curses on this darn atlas project at The Day Job. Being the designer always means being the last person on the production chain. My life has been far too much on-hold this entire year, being told every two weeks that the deadline has been moved because of further content revisions. Of course, I should have been able to simply take a weekend and go rock climbing, or draw tighter boundaries at work. It’s certainly difficult to do the latter when the work culture often expects people to work 60-80 hours. Overall, I did not spend much overtime throughout the year, but I certainly frustrated Aimee and others with overly-detailed accounts of the latest manner in which I felt taken advantage of. This new deadline of Xmas Eve is for real, for REAL for real, so I spent all night — overnight at my desk at The Day Job — finishing mundane fixes in graphics and maps and all sorts of pre-press prepping that I knew was coming, and building an index, which is hard work. All this so I can have a three-day holiday weekend that everyone else is taking in the least. I feel awful because Aimee and I talked about budgeting for Xmas gifts, and she’s come to the conclusion that we just aren’t doing any this year. And now we have some extra money, and it feels too late, and I detest being late on gifts. But I want to do something regardless.
December 20, 2004
My parents came for a visit. We spent time with sister and brother and nephew Joe hanging out and eating local cuisine, both homecooked and various establishments. I was rather impressed by lights at the Portland Zoo. Some nifty kind of faux animated pieces of things like a moving inch worm, a giraffe putting the star on a tree, a cocoon-butterfly metamorphosis.
December 8, 2004
“Dimebag” Darrell Abbott …and his tour crew companions… Requiescat in pace
December 6, 2004
After some trial and error with color settings and file format, I printed the covers for 3LBE Annual vol. 2. Then I dropped it all off at the bindery.
December 4, 2004
watching… Six Feet Under season 2, High Noon, All the President’s Men, Broadcast News, The Machinist… reading… A Contract with God (Will Eisner)
November 28, 2004
…I… this… life thing… sometimes it just…
November 15, 2004
The idea of the intolerant, irrational, and self-destructive side of American nationalism is one worth contemplating. On a first reading of this review, I thought, hmm, maybe it’s too easy to blame a select group of conservatives in power, perhaps the attitude of the American people has caused poor economy, deteriorating foreign relations, and destruction of the environment — is it all the result of our “patriotism” ? Then I read something like this and this, and it seems obvious that the government in power is reckless and brash about throwing that power around. So, for those of you/them/us who never read comics, you can get the moral lesson on film now without as much effort. Uncle Ben said it plain and simple to Peter Parker, and it became Spiderman’s motto. And I reserve the right to be angry with those too brash and smug to contemplate such a creed.
November 13, 2004
Jhonn Balance of Coil died today. I’ll miss the music you haven’t written yet.
November 10, 2004
watching… Lucio Fulci’s Zombie, Spartan, other stuff not worth mentioning
November 8, 2004
I’ve been busy. And seething. And I confess that I’ve been paranoid, even about voicing my opinion on my own public journal here. With visions of the men in black, or at least the Secret Service, dancing in my head, I kept silent. Surely part fear, and equal parts anger, I’m passed it now… So I think it’s still legal for me to say: we, as a country should be ashamed. Ashamed at our collective fear. Ashamed at our collective stupidity. Ashamed at our inability to learn from history.
November 3, 2004
Dark times, these. Now getting darker.
October 28, 2004
The trees are on fire.
October 10, 2004
October is a big month, with many historical dates for Aimee and I. It features our anniversary, our house-iversary, our relocate-iversary, and Grendel’s birthday. We got him first week of December last year, at 6-7 weeks old, so we’ve dubbed today his offical birthday. Shhh, don’t tell him he’s getting a new frisbeedisc and a kite for trips to the coast.
October 9, 2004
I’ve finished cover artwork for 3LBE Annual Vol. II…
…and will take it to press next week. This is your last week to order one. Every night for the past few months, in those moments where I pass from this world to the dreamplace, I have been hearing the Deadline Fairy sharpening her implements in her gritty workshop. She, herself, is late in getting to me with her duties, and they shall be accumulated and severe, I expect.
October 7, 2004
From time to time, I have to check the Mt. St. Helen’s volcano cam, to see if our local magma party is happening… nothing yet. Although there have been some dramatic steam releases I could see from downtown, and there are photos of the swelling lava dome in the crater. In the meantime, I’m psyched to have checked out from the library Abarat: Days of Magic, Nights of War (Clive Barker, or as I like to call him, da man)
October 2, 2004
Is the rest of the country feeling this anxious? I’m on the verge of great hope or great sadness. … watching… Ju-On, Touching the Void, Thirteen, Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence, Monster
October 2, 2004
The 11th Annual HP Lovecraft Film Festival takes place a few blocks from my house at the historic Hollywood Theater. I might drop in for one of the films, (maybe Karloff in The Crimson Cult…) although I’m a little sad that there isn’t a bigger studio Lovecraft adaptation this year (big surprise, eh? Maybe Guillermo del Toro will succeed in pitching his At the Mountains of Madness production for an adequate budget.) The short films are always a hoot. One can hear enchanting music by the enchanting Amoree Lovell (a native of my hometown). It appears the band Darkest of Hillside Thickets has canceled due to “an unforseen multidimensional event.” It seems odd to me that Peter Weir’s The Last Wave is being shown. I must think about that one. ST Joshi, Lovecraft scholar is attending as well.
October 1, 2004
My most favoritist ever of all months, now… Begin!
September 28, 2004
No one is allowed to make another zombie movie. I’m shutting down the genre. You’ve had too many opportunities to make smart characters. But no. We have to endure characters who say, “You must hit the heads, it’s the only way” and proceed to waste all their bullets in the chest of the next zombie. Characters who don’t take off their high heels. Characters who stop fighting to deliver a horrible line of dialogue, only to be suddenly attacked from off-screen — even after it’s happened to five previous characters. Characters who get backed into a corner by the shambling, ambling undead. Characters who split up a group — c’mon, there have been enough “postmodern” self-aware horror flicks that have declared that clichéd device officially unusable. The term characters is too good for these movie inhabitants, as they seem to lack any depth or capacity for learning. So, go off and try to revive the natural disaster films or something (I don’t think there’s been one about hail yet). Your zombie licenses have been revoked.
September 27, 2004
The Klamath Heartlands book, for which I provided publication design via The Day Job, will be officially released on Oct. 1. What the catalog description doesn’t mention is that the book’s format is other than usual, is composed of a series of unfolding page spreads.
September 26, 2004
Finally, some progress on the cover artwork for 3LBE Annual vol II. Should be able to finish within the next week, then get this thing printed and delivered in October. A month meant to be enjoyed.
September 18, 2004
Two different dreams about airports last night. Details of the first are lost, but in the second, I bought a cookie from a coffee shop, took a bite with head turned absently, and returned obliviously to my treat to find it crawling with worms. Some horror movie cliché by now, of course, and I found the lucid dreamer observer-narrator me commenting all sorts of critique about the editing, the shot, the choice of worms… I think I even heard myself say, I knew this wasn’t worth the rental price. Is it foreshadowing then, that Aimee decided to make cookies today…?
September 16, 2004
Am I getting “old,” or just nostalgic? Music from ten years ago sounds great. Old FLA, old Skinny Puppy, old Thrill Kill Kult, even old Moby and old Prodigy.
September 14, 2004
Grendel asks that I recommend his new favorite band to everyone, Caininus. And his runner-up favorite band, Hatebeak.
September 12, 2004
For the most part, Grendel doesn’t like hanging out in my office. He wanders in and walks around my chair, showing me a toy in his mouth, maybe sniffs the closet, and is back out the door, saying with the expression in his dog eyes, “Oh, you’re at the computer again. Well, fine.” Aimee is gone this weekend, and today Grendel came into the office and stared at me for a long time, then put his paws and head and chest in my lap, fitting as much of himself there as possible. He napped for twenty minutes, still half-standing with his hind legs, occasionally shifting his head off my forearms as I tried to type. At ten months, he’s pushing 60 pounds, but still likes the cozey.
September 11, 2004
Remember those killed in the WTC Towers. And everyone since. Remember civilians lost in Afghanistan, remember soldiers and civilians lost in Iraq. In remembering, learn. In learning, act. In action, do right.
September 8, 2004
After 3+ years devoid of content, sporting only a splash page, the Skinny Puppy web site finally gets official. Now the next generation of listeners may learn about this influential band.
August 31, 2004
A wise man tells it like it is: “Cold Turkey” by Kurt Vonnegut
August 29, 2004
Should anyone want to help me get an iPod, and be on the way to getting one yourself, sign up for this via my referral link. Create an account, then sign up for one promo. Then you can cancel the promo later, of course. I selected the Columbia House DVD club. I recommend creating another email account to receive your verifications, and catch any mailing list spam you may get.
August 23, 2004
This better be the latest over-budget, poor-taste stunt sequence from the latest Jerry Bruckheimer movie, otherwise whomever stole Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” had best return it to the museum presently. I’ll ask nicely, only once.
August 22, 2004
To the guy who inspired me to do this - Happy Birthday, Ray Bradbury.
August 21, 2004
Movies I don’t need to see, because A) the trailer is plain awful, B) the trailer is obviously the entire movie, C) the trailer looks deceivingly mediocre, but my Owley Sense™ says don’t even waste 3 bucks at the brew&view on second-run:
Suspect Zero = B
Around the Bend = B
Exorcist: The Beginning = C
Alien vs. Predator = A, B, C
August 20, 2004
In some non-Euclidean place Outside of space and time, HPL is 104 today.
August 18, 2004
watching: City of God (…and that’s about all I can handle)
August 14, 2004
My ribs had a sudden impact with the ground on a less-than-private-school-funded field, and many basic actions now hurt: coughing, sneezing, twisting, reaching, lifting. Cracked rib or bruised lung, at worst, deep bruised tissue at best. Trying not to laugh at anything.
July 23, 2004
A raven on my shoulder. The Sun in his beak.
July 19, 2004
Today was a major deadline at The Day Job. I delivered files to the printer for a book I’ve been designing for the last 10 months. The writer and I have been proofing and sourcing down to the wire, along with finalizing all the incomplete graphic design ideas, not to mention the pre-press details. For at least the last two weeks, I’ve been dreaming in dropmenus, quick-key combos, mouse clicks and drags, and other software interfaces that make me question my identity upon waking each morning. And the sleeping has been very little. It’s out of my hands now, and feels good. More specifics about the project in approx 5 weeks, when the Press has marketing info posted, and the unconventional binding is completed.
July 18, 2004
Grendel got into the tub all by himself tonight. He succumbed to a bath without any restraint. Ahhh, if only that dog park dirt could stay off him more than a day. (He’s so cozey, you see, Aimee and I cannot keep from squeezing and kissing him. Turn away and insert finger/spoon into mouth now.)
July 16, 2004
Bike commuting again. Feels good. But need more sleep. (Heh, I made a funny.)
July 14, 2004
watching: By Brakhage; reading: Raven (Charles L. Grant)
July 12, 2004
watching: The Thin Blue Line, Roger & Me, The Rules of the Game, Spiderman 2, Kill Bill vol. 2
July 9, 2004
Intended to have cover artwork done for 3LBE Annual vol. 2 well before this part of the year, and been mauling myself about it for months now. Design and proofing of the interior pages took longer than anticipated, even with the previous experience and partial template of vol. 1. But the artwork is still the delay. It always is. Every online issue, each annual. It always takes longer than planned. At times to get the shot right in my head, at times to paint it. I find myself saying it’s still hard to switch gears, from writer to editor to artist. It seems to drag out the longest when I think about it more than do it. Like right now…
July 4, 2004
I smell gunpowder. It brings back memories. Growing up in the Midwest, fireworks were an exciting boyhood activity — one that my friends and I looked forward to all year. We saved up money, we rationed out the explosions for 3-4 days. We blew up cheap model airplanes and melted the faces off Luke Skywalker action figures. We had volley wars with roman candles and bottle rockets, with smoke balls out of slingshots for added chaos. I remember the year the city passed the law that nothing could be sold that went bang anymore. It wasn’t until I could drive that I could escape to a small town (oh, you’ll love this, it was called Hickman) to get the stuff that could numb the fingers. To get the stuff that blew off the fingers, you had to drive across the Missouri border nearly 3 hours away.
June 29, 2004
The earwigs are gathering. I’ve seen one in every room in the house in the past week. What do they want from me this time…?!
June 28, 2004
Have been enjoying Foundations of Fear, with pioneering horror stories like
Don’t look now / Daphne Du Maurier — They / Robert A. Heinlein — At the mountains of madness / H.P. Lovecraft — The little room / Madeline Yale Wynne — The shadowy street / Jean Ray — Passengers / Robert Silverberg —The moonstone mass / Harriet Prescott Spofford — The blue rose / Peter Straub — Sandkings / George R.R. Martin — The great god Pan / Arthur Machen — Aura /Carlos Fuentes — Barbara, of the house of Grebe /Thomas Hardy — Torturing Mr. Amberwell / Thomas M. Disch — The prayer / Violet Hunt — Who goes there? /John W. Campbell — …and my fear is great / Theodore Sturgeon — When darkness loves us / Elizabeth Engstrom—We purchased people / Frederik Pohl — The striding place / Gertrude Atherton — In the hills, the cities / Clive Barker — Faith of our fathers / Philip K. Dick — The bell in the fog / Gertrude Atherton — The sand-man /E.T.A. Hoffmann — Bloodchild / Octavia Butler — Duel /Richard Matheson — Longtooth / Edgar Pangborn — Luella Miller / Mary Wilkins Freeman — The entrance / Gerald Durrell — The lurking duck / Scott Baker — Notes on the writing of horror: a story / Thomas Ligotti.
June 27, 2004
Watched Michael Moore’s latest movie, and I can easily say it’s one of the most frightening horror films I’ve seen in all my years. Go see it. Go vote.
June 26, 2004
“He who hides his madman dies voiceless.” -Henri Michaux
June 24, 2004
I just remembered I have a poster of Edward Gorey’s Gashlycrumb Tinies. I just remembered, and I miss it. There are a few posters I miss. My walls are naked and lonely. Now where’d them posters get to…
June 23, 2004
Huzzah…! The 1996 Millenium TV series is finally coming out on DVD. I’d heard rumors, but there is an actual release date of July 6. I remember it being uncomfortably dark, gritty and in later episodes, subtly humorous. Am hoping I still love it…
June 22, 2004
I forgot to mention a few weeks ago, Grendel has joined the Backup Pack on Andrew Vachss site. Pansy would be proud. (Grendel also has his own page here.)
June 21, 2004
After five years of playing intense, serious, competitive Ultimate (frisbee) with a training tournament-going team, I relocated, and was quite content with playing league and pickup, playing with many types of players. This weekend I went to my first tournament with a club team in a few years. It all came rushing back: the culture, the weather, the dehydration, the exhaustion. I definitely had first-tourney jitters, worrying about my stamina, worrying about my ups and grabs and layouts and skillz. I found myself worrying somewhat about priorities and commitments, thinking, what am I doing playing disc all weekend, I gots me friggin books to write! But something obviously can’t let go. At the very least, it’s been a long winter at the keyboard and mouse. SO… the team was grand. Our spirit was awesome, and our play was inspiring.
June 15, 2004
Watching… Ravenous, Star Trek II, Big Trouble in Little China, Hero, Session 9
June 13, 2004
Went to see Skinny Puppy last night. It was simply beautiful. I felt home again.
June 12, 2004
RIP Ray Charles. Now there is a casket worth flying all over the country for millions of us to pay our respects. I mean conceptually, of course. There are far better things to spend USA’s money on.
May 20, 2004
Reading… Gates of Fire, Years Best Horror & Fantasy vol 15, Like A Velvet Glove Cast in Iron, Practical Demonkeeping.
May 15, 2004
More dreams of classes and school and reports, neglected duties that slipped my mind and came crashing back as deadlines. I’d say my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but it’s fairly obvious.
April 22, 2004
To all you people who flick your cigarette butts onto the sidewalk, leave your coffee and soda cups sitting on the park bench, don’t pick up after your dog, or dump your company’s waste into the air and water: wake the fuck up, take notice and be goddamn responsible. This planet is dirty and dying, and I’m sick and tired. No really.
April 13, 2004
Well, how cool — happy birthday, Ron Pearlman.
April 1, 2004
It’s been on my mind for awhile, but I’d just like to type it out. I’m very excited for the Hellboy movie. I have been giddy about it for a nearly two years now. Whether the film turns out to be of high quality or market triumphant, it is a great success story. And it couldn’t have happened to better guys… Mignola, del Toro, Pearlman. I’ve been reading Mike Mignola’s comics since the first issues, enjoying the art and story, the blend of folklore, humor, horror and humanity that is is Hellboy, revelling in the success of a creator-owned comic title. When director Guillermo del Toro began hinting in interviews years back that he was pitching HB to studios, I was cautiously anxious, knowing he was one of the best horror director’s in awhile. When he said he wanted Ron Pearlman to play HB, my hope for their success burned even brighter (especially when he showed up at the Blade II premiere wearing a BPRD t-shirt). When production got underway with Mignola as conceptual designer, I shed a little tear of joy. Now, in response to trailers and previews, my woefully HB-unread friends and family are all asking me if I’ve heard of this Hellboy character, and the words trip over themselves coming out of my mouth, as I try to explain all at once all the reasons for my excitement. And they shake their head and say, uh oh, we’re not gonna get a simple answer on this one. And I realize, hell yeah, I’m a fanboy.
March 31, 2004
Hollywood would have us believe that someone can steal the highest level data from the CIA’s closed computer systems by simply copying it onto a USB keychain drive. Apparently in this movie (not worth mentioning), there are no disk drives or printers on the computers at Langley, so we’re supposed to believe no one’s able to walk out with any top secret files. I’m not sure whether the movie studio expected us to believe that this compact removable disk drive is a covert spy device, and not a common consumer item available at any computer store. It’s been awhile since a movie has so insulted me about the capabilities of computer technology. I’m having flashbacks to Hackers and Independence Day (shudder!). In comparison to this flick, it seems more likely that someone could hack a top secret computer by lowering himself into a room on wires, and… hurm. Also, I highly doubt that the CIA uses Macintoshes. If they do, the wireless wi-fi cards and firmware must be gutted.
March 16, 2004
A “Fresh Air” fund has been established for horror author Charles L. Grant, diagnosed with COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), who as a result, and probably for the rest of his life, will rely on bottled oxygen to live. For further information and to make donations, see Fresh Air Fund.
March 14, 2004
Today is a simple culmination of my frustration with lies and power. My middle is upset. Not my tummy, exactly, but down there somewhere that can’t quite be pointed to or prodded. It’s not nausea, per se, it’s deeper and without taste. It’s a big unease. It hangs on me from within. It pulls my center down in the chair. I realize now that it’s been there for nearly four years. It has been burden, one I didn’t ask for. This November, I will not ask for it again.
March 12, 2004
Grendel is six months old, and Aimee and I realize that we’ve missed many photos of his rapid growth. He’s getting quite solid and heavy, and you sure notice when he insists on sitting in your lap. Still a puppy, he gallops to and kisses every person in sight, making it difficult to believe that pit bulls are illegal in some cities.
March 10, 2004
No, I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books. I bailed on page 60-something before Harry is whisked away to Hogwart’s. Craft of narrative is very important to me, and, honestly, this voice did not call to me. It’s likely I’ll come back to them in a few years, but the hype over these books stirred in me plenty of memory and curiosity. I just finished Susan Cooper’s Dark is Rising, which was read to me in class at age ten — great stuff. Am putting Lloyd Alexander’s books back on the re-reading list (Book of Three, Black Cauldron, etc.), and likely the Narnia chronicles. All in the name of: the importance of knowing what has come before.
January 25, 2004
Planning to post issue #14 of the Three-lobed Burning Eye before the final hour of this weekend. This issue has been particularly difficult to assemble, partly due to the domestic distractions of house buying and new puppy parenthood. The other difficulties included technology issues — almost a given — and the perpetual challenge of finding good content. It’s done now, and it feels very good. In this, the fifth year of the magazine, I am still not ready to cast off editing duties, but am longing to steal some of those hours back for my writing, so some changes will be made on that always-intended side-project of 3LBE. The stories in my head do insist.
January 23, 2004
Grendel is reaching 14 weeks. He loves loves loves people. He is not so sure about dogs. I think we may have an occasional topic of debate.
January 14, 2004
The struggle is ongoing around numerous resources that we all own equally. Things like sky, water, culture, airwaves, public space, knowledge, and the Internet. These resources feel so large and natural, that many of us have never understood the need for a fight, or for ownership in the first place. Yet, simultaneously, we are not surprised when a large company pushes through legislation that stakes a claim, and reduces one of our shared gifts of nature and society. We are not surprised, and we have been cultured to assume that these common resources could only be managed by selective ownership from the commercial model. What is the current state of the commons? Check it out. This is important.
